Deep In My Heart

2009-07-31T17:18:00.000+08:00

Jus now tat post was for my 发泄。
Now i want to update some of my recent information.
I bought one skirt,one shirt n one skirt online at LayTing's
blog,and now hav the desire to open my own blogshop too.
Still revealing more things tat's needed to open one.
But may not open since other than my parents,i will hav
not supplier.
Now more care abt my outlook,cause i suddenly realized
tat since our lives are short n ordinary,then i will hav to
make myself charming n outstanding everyday,though i
still lack of some confidence in myself.
N now i m more sure tat i will pass grade 5 ppiano exam,
n even get merit cause of my piano teacher's 良言.
Now H1N1 is at its peak o optimum point. I used optimum
cause yesterdAY i saw it in dictionary.However,not all classes
get quarentined.only 2 respect n maybe sec1 o sec3 class.
I m not sure.Then many ppl take many days' leave.
But i never cause at first i thought tat i want to take the tests,
which the end turned out postponed,n then i felt tat it's
important tat i attend every lesson so i will hav no regrets when
the next time i hold my report bk in my hands n i didnt hav
fever,though there're times i felt hot on my forehead n abit sore
throat.Now i still hav sore throat,my voice changed,my still can
continue to pursue my dreams.
My parents hav opened a mini shops at Khatib.I hav to visit it
every now n then to pls my mum n i now dont play basketball
cause my bro dont.He only plays at sch now.So I hid my feelings
for Esmand,watever spelling,cause i m not going to fall in lov again.
I found tat there's no gd guy in tis world.Either extinct o I BELIEVE
THEY NEVER EVER BEEN EXISTING.
Only pride n proudness n praise can satisfied me.
Only money,dreams are importANT TO me!N piano.
Though i still wish tat i could become a singer,I am now 铺my future
wif other things.Cause the singer dream is so unrealistic n far tat i
cant believe tat it will happen to me.
Later i m going to shop for a while before going to my mum there.

2009-07-31T16:55:00.000+08:00

NO MATTER WAT HAPPENS,I'M NOT GOING TO GIV UP!

actually,i already had decided to not update tis bog
anymore ready.But i suddenly thought of wat Willaim
said to me,n i felt tat there's a need to record down.
Besides reminding myself to 防卫 him,tis is also for
reminding me tat i could not afford to lose to him.
I dont know why,i really cant think of th reason,but
I know he's jealous o jus 不甘愿 to be th loser.
Even then,I dont know why he had to express them out
in front of me!I really hate him.
Todae,he even caused Jia Xu's hair to be cut by Mrs.Eng.
Jus because of his complains,who do he think he is?!
Luckily Mrs. Eng is not tat bad,I cant see any difference
between th uncut n cutted hair.
I didnt scold him was because,first,I cant bring myself
to scold anyone in class.Second,I still felt 感激 tat he
printed each of us a crystal bk which is so nicely done
tat i cant say anything,though we hav to pay $5 each.
Third,I really dont know am i a friend o enemy to him?!
Why must he always criticize me in front of me?
Todae,he said I do geo hw very slow.
And said he still did faster than me after all.
What do he meant by tat？Were he telling me tat no matter
wat,he still win me in almosy evereything?
For all th words he said,I m not going to lose to him.
NO!NO!NO!NEVER！
I had never met Such an arrogant man before in my life!
I even thought of letting him win at first since honestly
his results are ALMOST quite bettere than me!
In fact,I got second was because of my first common test.
It pulled up my marks n pulled down his,huo gai!
Is it very disgraceful to lose to me?
You even lost tro Gabriel,so let alone to beat me down!
I wont admit lose even if i would.
I will ry my very best,and let u see wat are the true colours
of me!I really cant stand him.
I dont know whether n wat 孙子兵法 he's using to affect my
mood so as to affect my wk,but i woont let myself fall in！
After this 发泄,I will not mention tis again,until i totally
beat him down again!His words will not hurt my pride again,
NO!STUPID WILLIAM!CRAWL BACK TO MALAYSIA,WONT YOU?
NOT EVERYONE WILL HAV DEEP IMPRESSIONS OF U,N EVEN HAV,
THEY WILL BE TH BAD ONES,JUS LIKE MINE!
I DIDNT MEAN TO TURN INTO ENEMIES WIF U,IT'S U WHO
PUSHED ME INTO IT,U ASKED FOR IT~~~~~~~~~~~

HATRED

2009-06-10T10:03:00.002+08:00

I didnt get th 1st in standard,
but i got a 2nd in standard.
I almost couldnt get it...
William all tat have suddenly became very clever,
I thought i could only get a 3rd,but happy n glad
tat myself get a 2nd,at least.
Th first of course is XXingL.
I have been noticing her scores for most of th subjects,
n she did well for them...haizz...she is really clever.
This is all i could say,but i wont admit th losser part.
I m going to buy a lower science guide bk for $12+
n an o-lv chinese exercise bk $5+ to improve tis two
subjects.Though myself also find it very funny n weird
o maybe myself is too confident tat i can do an o-lv one.
but i want to challenge myself.
I will be using my own $$.I dont feel like depending on
others n only if i bought wif my own $$,then i would do
wif my whole heart^^.
Maybe i would also buy a compo exercise bk for eng as
i always write compo very lousily in th exams.I always
pick those no need to really think one,so in th end,
i used all those simple vocabs to write th whole story.
I always dont have enough time to write....so tat's why
i always pick th simplest...so i think i have to train myself
4 tat too.Yesteerday,i also got read through th horoscope
bk n th 生肖bk at th popular for myself one n little on sis'
one.If not wrong(since i read them very fast as it was late
n i still have to meet sis at th causeway),one of them say
tis yr if i believe tat everything is possible,means i believe
tat i can do well in tis o tat,n work hard for it,i will have
wonderful results.I tink roughly is tis la...dont really remember
ready.but no matter i have read these bk o not,i m going to
maintain my position!WILLIAM,u jolly well do better next time,
as i m not th silly o stupid one tat u might think,i m going to
defeat u AGAIN!N Xingl. Though tat's difficult,but nothing is
easy in tis world!Who ask u to say stupid n arrogant words to
me?!I dont need ur lecture!heng!^~^
Kambateh!YY^no matter in piano o study,i believe tat u can,
u sure;y can do it!加油！也！

2009-03-18T10:53:00.003+08:00

Mom just now taught me how to cook "yam cake"(not sure the name)
But then she only told me tat it requires 30-45min to steam
when it came to the steaming part n she needed me to look over the flame...?!
I already told her i can only cook for 30min,max. 40-45min....
Yet i still have to fry the ingredients....
Now i m really anxious n worry about wat to cook:
Should i still hang on to the "yam cake"
OR
Change another dish?
But the problems come in:
What would be the another dish?
Will mom be angry or upset?
Will she teach me how to cook another dish?
If she doesnt want to teach or no time to teach,
wat am i suppose to do?
I still have other things to do.....:(
I feel really sad now...
I feel betrayed,
how can she tell me tis only when i thought another
burden has cleared from my shoulder?
I know she is very tired from the daily work
n she wanted to teach me quickly so tat i wont
pester her again n so tat she can rest,
but.......how can she dont treat my exam as sth important?
She wanted me to tell teacher tat tis dish requires more time
n AM I SUPPOSE TO BEG 4 MORE TIME?
It is obviously impossible to get more time...
Teacher already said the time given n
I should change the dish if it doesnt reach the requirements!
Wat should i do now...
Is not tat i dont want to try beg 4 more time,
but it doesnt make sense if u r not out of ur mind!
I have been thinking of reducing the amount cook
so as to reduce the time,
but my mum said it still requires 30 min or so as
to make sure the flour,everything is cooked..
I really feel angry now,very very angry....
WHY?
I m OK if she cant help me in HW,
or cant tell me watever i ask,
but since she's gd in cooking,
why cant she put in more effort,
i know she's exhausted from work,
but .................................................
"I M HER CHILD,
ARENT ALL THE MOTHERS CARE ABOUT THEIR
CHILD,ESPECIALLY STH RELATED TO EXAM N FUTURE?"
I m fine tat she dont ask me anything about the event in sch
I m also fine tat she never ask about my HW,
but....I m still a child,I also need love from my parents
but i dont get it,i feel jus like a passer-by,
I feel like crying now,
but i know if i cry,my eyes will be spoiled even more,
I still have lots of wishes.........

2008-10-05T13:48:00.009+08:00

昨天，我们三个和ru rong,damien一起去看了一部电影--画皮。
它是由赵微，周迅和戚玉武演的。
改编至聊斋作品。镖房卖的很好。
我们看9:45的，都有很多人。
我们只好坐第1排。。。
一开始看得很辛苦，后来因剧情精彩，就陶醉在里面了。
赵微演得很好，非常感人，我都快哭了。
剧情也有幽默的地方，非常搞笑。
看到赵微，我就想到以前malaysia的生活，无忧无虑，早睡早起，
追看“还株格格”的生活。
小燕子善良，天真，活泼的性格总是感动我，
叫我做个善良的人。
可是现在我是个坏人，动不动就发脾气，很讨人yan.
我真的会努力变好的，虽然也许不可能，但我会努力的。
今天，
因妈妈打来说他想上厕所，我便下去帮忙看摊了。
有一位阿姨，抽着烟，来换衣服，说衣服太小了。
可他又找不到别的衣服换，问我可不可以还他$，我便还了。
不料，当我把事情告诉妈妈后，
妈妈大发雷霆，不停职责我，我非常生气。
谁知道不能退$呢?
我只是看那阿姨可怜，剩下的衣服都不适合他，才退$给他的。
妈妈还说他早就说过，可是我根本就没有印象。
大人就是这样，说到自己很厉害，什么都说过。。。我好讨厌阿！
什么都是他们说的，一点都不听别人解释。
我最讨厌他们了。
昨天去看电影的事也是这样，他们只想着自己，
都不管我们的感受！
以后如果我离开了你们，不要怪我们，是你们自找的。。。。。。
我也想做个好孩子，不过。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

2008-09-19T18:16:00.002+08:00

我要把今天牢牢地记住。
我和立伟打了一场我自认为轰轰烈烈的架。
他把我打了个遍体麟伤，但我坚信他比我伤得更加严重。
我真的不想打架的。。。
今天，我上了一堂原以为很有意义的CCD lesson。
老师说，每个人对每样事都有不同的观念，只是看你是用什么方式来看待它。
考试要来临了，老师希望我们能够以乐观的方式来看待，不要认为自己不行而不努力。
她说“减+减不等于+”，不像我们平时做的数学题，所以要我们乐观地看待每样事。
当时，我已决定要以乐观的态度看待每样事，不要再继续痛苦下去，
包括已乐观的态度看待我留级的事实。至少不要这么难过，忧郁。
可是最终我还是控制不了自己的情绪，中了立伟的计。
我补习回来后，发现我挂着的游戏已经被关掉了。
他还骗我是电脑自己restart com.
我有尝试去相信他，可是，他脸上不时地露出狡猾的笑容，我真的无法欺骗自己。
最后，他也自招了。还说我每次都在游戏紧张时刻回来，还他不能继续。
Fancy him still have the cheek 2 tell me all these with 神气的语气，
I really cant stand it!When did he becoome like tis?
Tis is not the first time he touch my com,i have been tolerant with him...i really sad.
不只这样，他还说我的账号是废物，没有用，无论怎样都不会lv up，
我真的受不了，我快忍得爆炸了，最后便动了粗，打了起来。
我难得玩一次电脑，为什么他还要这样？！我真的很想哭，放声不顾一切的苦，我忍了好久好久。一直忍耐着很辛苦，事事都不顺利，钢琴也弹得不好。。。我很失败，真的。。。
他在我的手臂上都留下了疤痕，我并不觉得痛。
从以前我开始跟他打架时，我就知道我是属于weak side的。
他有一个肥胖的身躯，又学过台拳道，是一个不能轻视的对手。
所以我就告诉自己，千万要显得不可一试，就是让他对我产生恐惧。
我不让自己感到害怕，就像我不让自己喜欢一个人一样。不过这个较容易。
我摆好阵，决不让自己有一点害怕，然后用我最厉害的脚来攻势。
是痛的，不过没有我的心痛。我一把我的心化作铁。
我没选择，只能前进，很痛苦，但没办法，这不是唯一让我心寒的事，
我的心已经死了，早在我了解留级的痛楚之后，死了。
其实，如果立伟没有不孝，好吃懒睡，对学业毫不关心，
我绝不可能轻易中他的计。
现在说什么已经没用了，他都打了。我其实满后悔。
我本来决定像卡通片的人物一样，做一个善良，纯洁的人，可是真的好难，好难。
我距离善良太远太远了。无论怎么努力，都没有用。也许我本性是邪恶的吧？
我没药求了。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

2008-09-03T23:38:00.002+08:00

I fight with my bro today...

I dont wish 2 fight with him but he kept saying tat

i m a rubbish,useless and so on...i m her sis but he doesnt respect me at all...

I really sad....

He is jus 11 years old,can u believe?

Jus because i m only lv20+ in the com game then he said me tAT?

i REALLY CANT STAND IT...

After tat he tease my fighting action with him...and still call me rubbish!!!

So who is rubbish?He only plays and doesnt care about his work and dont study at all...

I had tried 2 talk him out but he jus couldnt listened...

My mum is really poor 2 have a son like him...

Get angry easily,no patient and dont like 2 study...he also spend all his pocket money to buy the game credit...How did he become like tis?I allso dont know...

dont know when he started dont respect me and my sis...

and the worst my mum...

My family has broken...my mum tries her very best to save it...

but her only effort is not enough...

my dad didnt treat my mum well too...

I HATE IT....FUCK...i dont want 2 use tat word too..tis is not me...

I really wants 2 cry...

Jesus please bless me...bless my family...amen